I woke up this morning feeling quite deflated. I made my coffee, fed the dogs, took them for a walk, did some yoga and it wasn’t until I was having my breakfast that I realised why I was in such a foul mood: I had dreamt of a lost friend.
My sleepy head had recreated a scenario I’ve probably fantasised about more times than I care to admit: seeing her again, seeing her safe and happy.
K and I were friends for 8 years. We lived together for a short while, we went on holiday together, met our respective families, approved (or not) of each other’s boyfriends. When we lived in different countries, we would travel several times a year to see each other. Then one day, with hardly an explanation, she vanished. She had been acting differently during the months leading up to her disappearance, so when she told me she was “breaking up” with a lot of people she knew, I wondered whether she would do the same about me. She didn’t admit to that, but one day without a goodbye, she stopped writing to me.
I gave her some space, as others told me she probably needed just that, but then she never contacted me. Maybe I left it too long, maybe she just didn’t want me in her life anymore, but she never responded to my email asking her not to severe ties with me. She never replied to my messages, or the letter I sent to her family home, the only address I have. It’s likely I will never know what happened. It’s been almost 5 years and I still miss her. It still hurts, but I hold no ill feelings: I still love her like a sister.
Life is puzzling like that. You share your time with so many human beings, from those you don’t even remember from your childhood, to those that end up being the Best Man at your wedding. Some stay for a short while, some even stick with you until the very last day, but a few will do a disappearing act and this can leave you feeling very lost. Not knowing what cause the severing of ties is tough. Sometimes it’s just a case of moving on. Maybe K wanted a new life, one that didn’t include me, and as painful as it can still be at times, I accept that and hope she is extremely happy, wherever she is.
The “tricky” truth about friendships is that having people that love you just for being yourself, is a gift. Life itself, is a gift. It’s really important to slow down and take the time to treasure the precious things that make up our existence, while also accepting that sometimes, the best you can do is to let them go.
Picture: Fashion Limbo
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