I used to think I was pretty useless. I labelled myself as a loser and considered myself undeserving of anything good, such as friends, money, holidays and love. More often than not, I felt deflated hanging out with people that earned more than me, admiring their lovely clothes and flawless manicures or their seemingly fulfilling existences. It’s not that I resented them, I admired them and their abilities to become who they were. The one receiving all the hateful judging was myself.
Life treats us all differently. Whether you were fired from your job, bullied in school, abused by those who are supposed to love you, treated unfairly at any point of your life: the worst thing you can do, is believe what negative, narrow-minded and somewhat twisted individuals say about you. Someone or something may have put those ideas in your head, and they may not even be true, have you ever considered that?
You should never cease to believe that you are your own person, master of your own life, and, incredibly enough, your own hero. When was the last time you looked in the mirror and saw yourself for the incredible human being that you really are?
The operative word being “used” – as in I used to be pretty cruel to myself – this is what made me change the way I looked at myself.
1- Sleeping more: As simple as it sounds, getting some extra time under the covers can do wonders. Fatigue makes me cranky, and when I’m at my moodiest, I take it out on myself. I feel slow, incapacitated and lazy. Every night I attempt to get a minimum of eight hours sleep, or whatever I need to wake up feeling rested. If I need more, a 20 minute nap in the afternoon can do wonders. Sleeping more will make you think better, feel better and it has a direct link with improving your health, so get snoozing.
2- Carefully select what you share and who with: The best decisions I’ve ever taken are those in which I really didn’t consult anyone. I was always the type of person who needed a second, or even third opinion when it came to decisions affecting my career or my lifestyle: basically, anything that was relevant only to me. Over the years I listened to those that said “that’s a stupid idea” or “you’ll never be happy if you do that” and even “how can you want to do that?!”. Each of these opinions came from people that, supposedly, loved me. The truth is that, taking their own fears and doubts as my own, I ended up unhappy and pursuing nothing. Since I stopped doing that, which was easier than I thought, I am feeling happier by the day, failing and succeeding at my own decisions. I’ve never felt freer. I’ve never felt greater.
3- Take up a challenge: Maybe it’s climbing a high mountain, or training for a half marathon, or you may want to read four books in one month. Whatever you fancy doing but are unsure, just set yourself the challenge and get on with it. Mine was getting a yoga teacher’s certificate, with a life-altering injury and zero confidence. You can read more about it here, and here. Last week I was given my certificate, and I am now fit to teach Yoga. That rectangle of paper made me feel like a true badass…which is quite a wonderful feeling.
4- Listen to your gut: it something doesn’t feel right, it’s probably because it isn’t. Don’t force yourself to do things that others expect you to do. Ask yourself, who will be disappointed? If it’s others, think long and hard about what you do to yourself. How will the situation affect you and how will it feel after you do it. If you’re the one to suffer, don’t do it. Take care of YOURSELF, then take care of others, just like the safety announcements on planes.
5- Replace the nasty lie with a beautiful statement: Most of my negativity comes from statements such as “I’m a slacker and a loser”. If I am going to make declarations that are not true, why not make them wonderful? “I work REALLY hard and I’m a success” -> this is the mantra I should apply to myself, the words I should keep in my head. Not the negative, self-destructing ones, because those do nothing for me. Think about what negative things you say about yourself, write them down, then turn them around.
Life is tough enough, with its daily battles, dizzy highs and trying lows. Realising you are the most important person in your own existence, championing yourself and celebrating your own achievements is as important as drinking water. Feed yourself from the inside out, you deserve it.
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